I’ve struggled to come up with something to write about this week. I had planned to write about how wonderful it is to be back home, but half-way through my draft I felt the whole thing fizzle. Back to the drawing board…
The truth is, this “job search” thing is really sapping my energy. I hate having to “sell myself” by talking up my accomplishments. It makes me feel hollow and insecure. I hate having to ask for help in the form of references and recommendations, because it makes me feel like a burden. Still, there’s no way around this.
Worse is the feeling of dread that I’m heading down another career path that I’ll despise in a few years. I’ve already bounced between jobs a lot, enough that my resume does me few favors. It’s okay when you’re fresh out of college, but a bit worrisome at age 30. On top of that, I’m wondering how hard I should push to try to get a job that’s an ideal fit before cutting my losses and taking something that pays far worse than my previous job.
It’s already been almost a week, and I’m feeling antsy.
But here’s another thing: I have a tendency to mentally put my life on hold. There’s always some reason, or excuse, for agonizing over the state of my life instead of enjoying it. Sure, there are duties that will rightfully demand the bulk of my time and attention at times, but I have a record of losing track of everything else.
This is one of the problems that haunts me. No matter where I am, no matter what’s happening in my life, I’m always fixating on the thing that makes me unhappiest and abandoning the things that bring me joy. Ironically, it never helps me get ahead, and generally leads to me feeling burnt-out and defeated! Still, again and again, I find myself repeating this destructive pattern.
Well, if anyone has tips for finding that evasive work-life balance, please let me know! (I promise to reward you with a much more positive post next time!)